Wedding Planning When A Loved One Is Sick
Wedding Planning When A Loved One Is Sick

Wedding Planning With A Sick Loved One.

Planning a wedding when a family member is sick is complicated in every sense.  The closer the family member the closer your lungs feel to collapsing on you while you are picking out flower displays.  Instead of acknowledging the level of stress you are under.  You snap at whomever is with you including the event decorator.  Hopefully, people will understand that this is a stressful time but how do you navigate this bittersweet time? 

My father has survived back operations, quadruple bypass and lives with Parkinson’s, my mother has survived operations including brain surgery.  To say we were excited to have a good reason to come together and celebrate was an understatement.  Originally, I wanted at least a year to help with planning. The first successful date of my must have venue would be pushing us back to one year and five months. No biggie right?  Wrong…I had to find ways to be patient and enjoy the process.  I created memories, intimacy, and a self-care plan which consisted of the following.

Create General Letter

Have a standard email written up for vendors in case the health challenges increase.  Save this letter in your drafts so you don’t have to worry about what to say at the time of stress, just that they have been notified.  For example, “Dear Vendor, health situations have increased and I will follow up when I can if I forget with everything going on please follow up with me or follow up with (provide contact).”

Create Memories

Record memories of the locations with the people you are viewing it with so you can compare the day of viewing to the day you got married. If you stopped out for brunch after dress shopping; taking pictures of those moments. Take pictures of the wedding party helping out during the planning process.  This could be put together as a collage by the gift table as a nice way of showing appreciation to wedding party for their help during the wedding planning.

Create Intimacy: Simple Practice

Creating intimacy is a hard thing to do when you are hosting a big celebration but there are ways  such as, request a side of the hotel wing to be separated that way the wedding party etc., can be on one side.  Therefore, setting up by simple location changes, arranging simple small numbered groups, and practicing internal self-care whenever you work on external self-care.  

Simple Location

Setting up the location closer to venue to minimize travel and to make it easier for people participating to be involved. Choose to have some activities with smaller groups.  This will help with the decision-making process and it’s a nice way to create more intimacy during process with a sick family member.  Make videos of what you can if the family member cannot always be physically present.  

Simple Groups

There were no loud “oohs” and “ahhs” from a large entourage at my dress fitting, just the simple responses of my parents telling me, “you were right about this dress.”  I won’t always hear my parents tell me I was right about something easily so I will gladly take it whenever I can.  Try not to record everyone’s opinions ahead of time as that can get overwhelming. 

Simple Self-care

Self-care must make sense for you otherwise you won’t engage in the necessary activities.  Choose activities that you will want to do and first start with those.  If an expense is a concern look on Groupon, website promotions, massage and/or beauty schools nearby.  When it comes to your beauty routine you will want to go to a trusted individual that is why best to ask for recommendations, if you don’t know anyone, start early so you can find someone you like depending on your beauty needs (fillers, eyebrows, sculpting etc) and check on their reviews and last date of reviews. 

Try to incorporate the other self-care activities you may not be motivated for.  Book early for internal and external self-care.  I booked in advance as much as I could because it is easier to change around a date then try and book.  We may forget or make excuses.  I started my facial treatments 7 months – 12 months out.  This included acupuncture, facials and I would combine with massages to help with stress.  I kept up with my workout routines as much as possible. I listened to my body with injuries or pain. There is no point in looking good if you end up sustaining an injury while working out.  What if you need to find self-care that is free.  Time, give yourself time.  Stay hydrated and check your health with a doctor, like vitamin levels to see what nutrients you might be low on.  Check on your mental health with a therapist.  Ask to be in the fitting room by yourself if you need a moment.  Meditate, take breaks from the wedding planning process when needed.

Wedding Basics

Make sure you have assessed some basics to help with you, partner and family while wedding planning.  Here is an example you can follow to help with your internal self-care and the basics that you will need to know.  This is good to go over with your partner a month after engagement. 

Budget:What is the range?

Budget Concerns: Find out average pricing on items just to get an idea to avoid sticker shock later.  Who is most likely to overspend, hide purchases etc…discuss some problem areas that may need help or understanding in during the planning.  

Wedding Ideas:Both provide wedding ideas. 

Wedding Expectations: What are the expectations of level of participation, wedding goals, wedding experiences? 

Wedding Concerns: Family, friend, guest concerns? Past, negative wedding experiences.

Preliminary Guest List: Average total make larger to account for people you may have forgotten or that family/guests may want to bring.

Venue:What type of venue do you want for ceremony and reception?

Drop a comment below to let me know how I can help you through your wedding process?

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