Wedding Therapy: Keeping It Simple
Pictures of the rings shared on social media as the anticipation of wedding planning settles. The couples’ conversations chime of seating charts. Scheduled dates are reviewed in the calendar of venues booked already. Families debate who and how many to invite begin. Wedding planning, a joyous time can also be a stressful time for the happy couple, family, and friends. What is yet to come from all the decision making of the big day can impact the mental health well-being of all involved.
I wanted to plan a wedding according to mental health. Unfortunately, therapy still carries a negative connotation that if newlyweds require therapy they are doomed. If the “happy couple” can’t get happy during this time there is something wrong, perhaps chalking it up to that it’s just typical wedding planning problems.
Wedding planning problems that sometimes become marriage problems for the couple. In some cases, people agreeing to some form of pre-marital counseling only if it is given with a religious officiant. Despite how many bridal games include happy thoughts for the couple, or advice given to the bride and groom, if they were to say they were seeking professional therapy people may assume their marriage may not happen or is on the rocks.
When indeed the willingness of the couple and/or family to want to communicate better during this time can mean the opposite. Therefore, I share the following quick tips to apply during the engagement time that is helpful for you and your partner to communicate during this time.
Decision-making Wedding Offense
Not every person wants their wedding planning to feel like it is made out of a well-curated board. Although, one may want their marriage to feel like it is a well-curated board that is managed with the proper tools they implement. A proper tool relied on is Decision-making offense. Decision-making offense is in which the way the engaged couple arrives at decisions together that are aimed at minimizing conflicts.
One strategy of decision-making offense is anticipating conflicts and options to avoid overreactions of situations. One of the first decision-making offenses we made is to hire a wedding coordinator. Our choice of venue, The Pavilion at Orchard Ridge Farms 120 acres of timeless hills, a winery, alongside a charming Inn and a rosy-red glass barn also came with a day-of coordinator. If it’s in your budget hiring someone who would report to you directly with a more detailed schedule can positively impact the wedding experience such as a wedding coordinator.
Our wedding coordinator arrived promptly to work, assisted with place cards, and confirmed items in their place. She confirmed the arrival of the vendors such as the phenomenal DJ who had us lost in the music, delivery of the mouthwatering cupcakes, and so on. With her taking care of the last minute yet most important things my family members, the bridal party could enjoy themselves and relax without having to check on things, people, or places. As the evening wore on, she checked on us and our timeline of tasks we wanted complete. This helped us as we ended up getting a bit behind in time and we could make accommodations, which we did. She even went above and beyond assisting in a debacle with a vendor after the service. My wedding coordinator was Your Day by Lauren Kay www.yourdaybylk.com.
Another tip is to create a wedding priorities profile. I incorporated this profile as the motto for the wedding process which was, “make time for time.” If you have less time to work with great, no worries just work within your time frame. This timeline is only a suggestion for the bride who is able. Having at least a year allowed for more savings. I had more time to search for budget finds that came out seasonally. I like to be creative and made a few of the items such as place cards, birdcage, cake sign, etc., this allowed enough time to make them without pressure. This also allowed a lot of the tasks to be independently completed. Therefore, I did not need to set up various gatherings with bridesmaids or family to help decorate which spared frustration of coordinating schedules.
Now you may not be creative, have the desire or energy, not a problem. This will give you more time to look for a cheaper vendor. Allow completion of them earlier from a vendor avoiding deadlines.
Possibly there are health issues in your family. If you are concerned that lead people like a parent or grandparent will be healthy enough to walk you down the aisle? Change in venue due to damage or financial concerns; make time for time. Make the most of the time you have in the first few months of your planning so that in the weeks leading up to the wedding most of the projects are completed. How one can do this is by splitting things into categories of what is urgent and what is urgent and what is important (Top Priority), what is urgent but not important (High Priority), what is not urgent but important (Priority), what is not urgent, not important (Low Priority).
Approve, approve, approve. The best of intentions is a tricky thing, as intentions start with the letter “I”. Despite the best intentions people can’t help but put their own desires first even when it is not their wedding day. I cannot stress this enough; it is more than getting a confirmation that the speech is appropriate for the event because the speaker is viewing the level of acceptability from their perspective and not the couple’s or their family’s perspective. I have been to a few weddings including my own that my ears felt like they were echoing sighs of a slow and painful death of shock and pride as the happy couple smiled on the outside. Now maybe you want to be surprised by how sweet or funny the speeches are? Then have at least two close relatives review the speech for you to have them approved.
|Keep it Simple
– Create a wedding hashtag motto related to your wedding goals that you want to remind yourself during the wedding planning process.
#maketimefortime (slow down)
#don’tloseyourdinosaur (keep the joy)
#toobridaltobehomicidal (keep calm)
#tooqueentobemean (keep calm)
– Create a wedding inspiration board but limit the number of boards and delete items you change your mind on to avoid cluttering up vision (does it spark joy)
– Create a concessions list early on. Write down things you are willing to compromise on and things you are not willing to compromise on as a guide throughout decision making.
– How will you help your partner during times of stress? How will you help yourself during times of stress?