White Wedding Debunked
White Wedding Debunked
Billy Idol sang a line “there is nothin’ fair in this world and there is nothin’ safe in this world” especially not safe from judgment on a day of one’s “white’ wedding.  White wedding dresses are a long-standing tradition in Western traditional weddings but only since Queen Victoria.  In 1840, she wore white to her wedding to Prince Albert.  A trend that spread all throughout Europe, America, and we continue to wear white wedding dresses today.  Although, recent years have shown how much society is willing to break from some of these wedding traditions.  This includes the must wear white for a first wedding or not wear white after the first wedding.  Traditionally, white was worn to signify virginal innocence.  Queen Victoria days perhaps keeping something white was harder indicating the wealthy would be able to afford articles of clothing in white.  Wearing white is not for all religions and cultures.  According to Hindu wedding tradition wearing a red sari is preferred over white sari which, is a sign of widowhood.  There is nothing wrong with wearing wear white but if that is not for you then read on. 
White or No White?

Not wanting to wear white for your wedding doesn’t signal anything other than a difference in style preference.  It’s as simple as why the bride will choose a mermaid style over another style. There is no need to relate their style preference to the bride or groom’s ability to be good people or to have a successful marriage.  In fact, it indicates the willingness of the couple to take risks for their relationships and to take risks on themselves.  Now if this is your second marriage and you want to wear white, the same rule applies.  There is no insult to marriage that is being created by wearing white a second time unless the insult is directly aimed at the couple or the couple doesn’t follow through on their wishes the day of.  The hope is the couple is taking the vows seriously regardless of the color of the dress and that as guests we should too.  Otherwise, why attend a wedding of someone we feel is making a mockery of things just to go and make one of them?   Don’t forget several celebrities have remarried and wore white in their second marriages like Meghan Markle and Angelina Jolie. 

How to avoid uncomfortable questions regarding dress color?

-Thanks for asking…Even though this is my second wedding this is my first wedding to (he/she) so I can wear white.

– I look good in white/red/ivory.

 -Thanks for asking I’m not sharing dress secrets but I can share with you (food/colors/flowers)   

(Or you can choose to decline and say you would like to keep as a surprise.) 

Tips for Choosing Your Second Marriage Wedding Dress

Timing – as soon as you’ve decided on the date of your wedding, start planning for your wedding dress or gown. If your gown will be designed and sewn by a special designer, you need to allow at least six months before your actual wedding date to accommodate as many adjustments and fittings as possible.

Ignore Judgment – Easier said than done at times but you didn’t get this far by listening to other peoples’ opinions so don’t start now.  

No rushing – don’t get too ambitious and line up several wedding boutiques all in one day unless the dream dress is being compared.  By the time you try on your third wedding dress, fatigue will set in. The selection can be confusing. What you need to do is take as much TIME as you need. Try on gowns and dresses only if you’re feeling relaxed and calm.  Like the relationship, when you know you know.

Sales contract – Specify delivery date, color, number of fittings, cost of alterations, etc. This applies whether you’re purchasing your bridal dress from a special boutique, a designer house or a wedding warehouse.  Brides do get taken advantage.  When your dress comes in sometimes it is a month before, leaving little time for alternatives.  Read sales contract carefully.  

Take PicturesTake pictures to help compare after you have left the store, away from the forced sales and approvals.  This can also confirm if after purchase a different dress comes in than what was requested by bride. 

Stay calmBring essential oil with you.  Light snacks to avoid hangry. 

Bring a sense of humor to the wedding planning and the day through use of good humor, wedding memes, wedding mottos (see article Wedding Therapy: Keeping it Simple to learn more about wedding mottos: Wedding Therapy www.dailylivingco.com/alter-therapy-talk/

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